Reality Check

Dear sisters,

It must be the power of prayers, I woke up today feeling a lot more energetic, finally I can focus on doing some work. I was falling asleep at client's yesterday, but is a lot better today.

Thanks Mabel for your encouragement.

Actually that's exactly what I am thinking about this morning, why am I doing this? I am getting a little scared, am I really going to able to commit to this path for life? Do I really want to be a mom? What if he/she is a sick baby, would I give up and get mad at God?

I still can't imagine myself "wholeheartedly willing" to carry BB all night when he/she cries, or to give up things that I want for BB. All of this still very foreign to me, like when I feel sick now, I don't really feel joyful cuz it's something I "wanted" to do badly and I'm willing to sacrifice. To some extend, it feels like I was more determine when I decided to adopt Sophie and KingKong, than wanting to be a mom this time, very scare ar!!!

Cuz you know, some of you girls dream of being a mom for many years and it's like a dream come true, but for me, it's like okay either with or without BB, guess I just have to keep exploring myself before our Lord.

Then on my way to work this morning, I was listening to some hymns CDs, the songs reminded me being a mom is no difference than any other part of our lives, just like our career and our "see fung" and our finance and many other areas, always learning to let go and let God.

In any situations, hold on tight to His hands and not the "things" and"people" in life, it's not about me, it's about Him. Suddenly it makes me feel much better knowing it's not all on my shoulder, but our Lord is carrying my load as well, even sometimes when BB makes me feel loaded and scared.

Thank God I have 9 months to prepare for this, and thank God I have you all cheering on my way!